WTF, Wilde?

"Le seul moyen de se délivrer de la tentation, c'est d'y céder"--Oscar Wilde. 

I read this over and over. 

I had been strolling through metro La Defense, killing time before my train to work, when I stopped at a papeterie and browsed postcards. The name caught my eye, as Wilde is one of my favorites. At first I struggled with the translation, as directly, "moyen" means middle. But then it clicked. "The only way to deliver yourself (or be delivered/escape) from temptation, is to give in to it"--roughly translated by me. 

Paris. I never saw it as my temptation. Sure, the pastries, breads, wines, candies, chocolates, etc., I could surely give into those. Actually, my problem is not to, if I want to stay in my new Parisian clothing. 

I was always cautious with some things, hardly the type to jump in head first and asses later. Unless you count in my compulsive shopping days, but those are besides the point. 

I decided to move to Paris after much consideration, and then finally forcibly pushed myself into the commitment, knowing I would regret not doing so for the rest of my life.

But now that I am here I find myself tightening my grip on the outer ropes, not yet ready to fling myself into the fray. Perhaps I am afraid of losing some connections at home, or maybe I should cut myself some slack since I have not even been here two weeks. 

My temptation is to be Parisienne--to speak french fluently; wear all their amazing outfits and pull them off; capture some of their alluringly romantic, sexy confidence. 

Isen't that why I am here?

I faltered. Am I trying to lose myself within them, these allusive Parisiens or find myself through them? Truth be told, the whole "I moved to Europe after graduation," is translated into, "I have no idea who I am or what the hell I am doing. I need to find myself. Be back later." So, do people actually find themselves in these adventures? Or do they just pause that process in lieu of the new distraction. 

In all honesty, I am scared. I don't want to let go and fully sink in/surrender fully to this distraction. I have someone at home that I am petrified to lose, tentative plans I cannot help but focus on, graduate applications to throw my whole self into. 

I am sure I have taken this Wilde quote a bit too far, possibly stretched it way too thin. However, it resonated with a lot of fears I have been dealing with. Giving in completely, to anything, is frightening. How do I give in fully to this whole experience without losing myself? 

...perhaps that is the point.